“As I Attract The Way, I Will Travel It” – Matthew Ward
Explanation: People who constantly attract abusive people or who constantly end up in abusive circumstances (not knowing why) are self abusers. Only a self abuser could sit in an abusive church congregation and be completely blind to the abuse taking place. This is the essence of spiritual blindness and why Jesus said first look at the log in your own eye before you point out the speck in your brothers. Self abusers struggle with the concept of mercy and grace toward both themselves and others therefore they harbor a lot of grudges. Self abusers keep long lists of people and evidence in there hearts that are a reflection of victimization. All this negative energy finds its way out in the form of abuse that is both given and taken. Some people love drama for this reason because it validates them. One result of an identity crisis is the need to create enemies for the purpose of establishing a personal identity. We create a dramatic story where we are the hero and others become the evil enemy. George W Bush did this and all it did was screw up the world and cause wars. Entire religions and movements have been established on the above principles. We feel like we need to create a group, religion or church for the purpose of identifying with or defining ourselves. People make a lot of money off of our hunger for a sense of belonging. People often get rich by simply finding a way to capitalize upon this collective identity crisis. The end result is the designer of this great scheme laughs his/her way all the way to the bank. Self abusers / the abused both abuse and attract abuse.
The cure: Jesus basically said have no enemies when He said love both friend and enemy the same. We know we are cured when we first learn to identify and live inside our own mess which results in us being more tolerant and understand of other peoples messes. Eliminating the need to create or join groups, religions, movements and all sorts of false solutions all for the purpose of putting our identity crisis at ease. This whole idea is a paradox of the sorts. The above truth is so powerful it could get me crucified like it did someone else I know.
We live in an abusive world that is often totally blind to this vicious cycle….
There is a running theme in many of the parables Jesus taught that makes the simple statement… “show up”. Show up for the wedding feast, show up to work, show up at home after a long journey that takes you to a place feeding pigs and even eating the pig food. Show up to the challenge of taking your talents and making them multiply. Show up to eat, to drink, to visit the imprisoned, to care for the sick and needy, to free the captives (so they are free to show up too). Show up at the very kingdom of God that is both amongst us and within us. Show up to gather with two or more in Christ’s name and He will show up.
Jesus welcomed everyone to show up thieves, prostitutes, races of people that were previously rejected by the Jews, tax collectors (basically politicians). When Jesus called out to “the world”…. He meant it and when He used the word “all”…. He meant it. Jesus was more concerned with the obsticals that prevented people from showing up (the religious leaders) then He was concerned with trying to determine which individuals had the potential to show up. Jesus simply says “come” follow me and He says to everyone regardless of race, class, sexual gender or religion.
God gave me a dream one night 5 years ago that showed the institutional church trying to place God’s living water behind a dam (making it stale and bitter water, rotten like manna not eaten the same day) and I heard God’s voice say open the floodgates so I can build up my church. My life began to change and I met Darin Hufford author of “The Misunderstood God” a year later. Today I know a lot of people who have heard God speak this same message to their hearts. Things are changing faster then you realize because the present economy is challenging the institution and revealing their wickedness. GOD HIMSELF is building an army and people are being freed from slavery…. and all the while the hearts of the religious leaders grow harder and more calloused.
Today I want you to think about the word “presence”. What keeps you from being present? The ultimate form of presence in someones life is true love. What keeps you from loving with no strings attached? What keeps you from “showing up”?
All the illusions I constructed my identity from became held in the ego’s death grip as my eyes were opened to the great contradiction known as my life. Now at this point I could either create a reason to continue believing lies (denial) or I could take a huge leap of faith by nailing my former self with all it’s grandiose ambitions to the cross. To repent means to change course. Two roads become visible the wide road and the narrow road. When I look back on my life it becomes painfully evident that I have been on the road of destruction and now I either admit it or carry on pretending that the pain does not exist. However sin is killing me… I can feel it as the stress hormones course through my veins and my heart races out of control. My relationships either end quickly or are a complete joke. Life has become a destructive pursuit of that very first high… a high that may never return again. To change course now would require starting over, relearning everything all over again, my whole mind would have to be rebuilt and my heart would have to be renewed… I would literally have to be born again.
We all have appetites for something. I just got back from a business trip and spent a single night in Las Vegas a.k.a. sin city. After going to sleep in my hotel room at 10:10 PM I had a rude awakening. The drunk couple in the room next door started fighting. The argument they were having got louder and louder. For some reason I was not mad about the noise, but instead curious about the content of the argument they were having. As the argument escalated a lamp hit the wall and shattered, then the man started getting physically violent with his girl friend. It became obvious that I needed to call hotel security to intervene. The reason I feel compelled to write this article is the underlying reason many people go to Las Vegas a.k.a. sin city. This article is about the unhealthy appetites in each one of us and the painful path they often carve out in our way. In this article I will be addressing the beast within each and every one of us.
Last week I watched a documentary on methamphetamine addiction. I learned about the lengths a person will go to support their drug habit. Some people become hard workers in order to make the money necessary to support their habits. I have a very close friend who was a cocaine addict and literally became the hardest worker in his company to support this habit. I once knew a cocaine dealer who at times made up to $40,000 per week selling cocaine and he used another legitimate business as a front to launder that money. I have met many different forms of addicts, but they all have one thing in common they need money to feed the beast within.
What is the beast within?
There is a saying that goes like this “There is no rest for the wicked”. To discover our own beast within we need to look no farther then our own appetites. For some it is as easy as to follow the money and where they spend it, but for others it may require deeper analysis. Here is a good example. A man with a mid-life crisis feels as if his life has not amounted to much. A mid-life crisis is based around the following questions. Who am I after all these years? Who did I set out to be and why did I miss that mark? A married man in a mid-life crisis will long for the look that he may have once saw in his wife’s eyes. Every man knows what I mean when I mention that special look. This look a man once saw in his wife’s eyes helped form this image of himself that he once loved. As time passed in his marriage he started seeing this look less and less frequently in time even losing his own self respect. I guess a mid-life crisis or an identity crisis in general could be defined as a quest to find the person you once were or the quest to find a certain reflection of yourself you once saw in the eyes others. Other examples of identity crisis are linked to a pastor’s church shrinking or a movie stars ratings shrinking or a rock star’s fan base shrinking. The beast within is always linked to a need for affirmation, security or validation for the purpose of easing tormenting fear.
The lengths people will go to feed the beast within
Show me a successful entrepreneur and in most cases I will show you a man with a horrific beast within. Investigate the divorce rate amongst entrepreneurs and you will most likely find it is alarmingly high. Why is a man able to work endless hours and why was he even willing to sacrifice his own family to achieve success? Jesus said in Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” However make no mistake because the beast comes in many different forms and cannot be limited to money alone. Today we have different terms for this beast like obsessive compulsive behavior or addictive personality disorder, but all these represent different forms of the beast within us. Where do we spend most of our time, what lengths are we willing to go and what does that tell us about who we are? Some people are so obsessed with becoming an authority that they despise all authority. Look at successful pastors and politicians and you will often find a ferocious beast within these leaders. In conclusion, we can link all sin and the breaking of every one of the Ten Commandments to the lengths that people are willing to go to feed the beast within.
Our imperfect human nature will subconsciously and naturally look outward to fill internal emptiness. Jesus said “Man shall not live by bread alone”. If there is a fire inside your house eating out is not the solution. True it is hard to find the time these days to reflect inward. Reflection and meditiation are often uncomfortable especially if we are completely honest with ourself in the process. Sometimes we would actually rather read books that are the result of other peoples’ reflection and meditiation to find a solution. Sometimes we would rather gleen from other’s intimacy with God rather then experience our own intimacy with God. We wonder why our problems not only fail to be solved, but seem to get worse. Seeking outside solutions may provide shallow and momentary relief, but not a genuine solution.
We constantly try to solve spiritual problems with physical solutions. Reaching outward for solutions only further blinds us causing more stumbling in the dark. The truth is our psychology and our spiritual state of being are the same. The same lies that cause our psychological problems are also creating our spiritual problems. You cannot seperate pschology and spirituality. The lies we believe about ourself, God, others, the past, the future or anything else these same lies will influence our spiritual beliefs. The only cure is finding the truth and in the truth finding freedom. Meditation and reflection done honestly will lead us toward the truth and ultimately to freedom. Many of the spiritual leaders today sought out these positions as a cure for their own emptiness only to find a deeper emptiness. God is not calling you outward, but inward. Many people I have met with a so-called “calling from God” turned out to be very psychologically damaged and ministry was a way of running from the truth about themselves.
Looking for God…… well you will find Him in your own heart if you look for Him there. The image of God is true lawfulfilling love. Healthy marriages, healthy parenting and healthy relationships reveal a kind of love that heals the soul. The source of healthy relationships is a correct view of ourselves that comes from God. We have to get that love directly from God and not mediators like churches, pastors, books or any other outside source. We are responsible to have our own intimate relationship with God first hand. What if in my marriage I had some mediator between my wife and I? What if I only related to my wife through what other people said about her in her old year books? Jesus said “see this temple? I tell you not one stone will be left upon another”. God does not like mediators and He Himself is knocking on your heart wanting to come inside. Jesus said call no man Rabi, father or teacher. Relating to God through mediators will only give you a foggy view of God at the least. Do you want to settle for at best a blurry view of God for the rest of your life?
Faith in illusions is a bondage. I see people in chains every single day. Even somedays I find myself in chains. One way anxiety comes into existance is when we have more fear of our weaknesses then we have faith in God. The real Gospel is just as much about freedom then it is about grace. Jesus said it Himself… He said He came to set the captives free. Every single day I see people in chains and sometimes it is me. Jesus already paid the price for our freedom and so freedom is just a matter of choice. Freedom is not always an easy choice and therefore many choose captivity over freedom. People may seem happy in prison, but they are still captive. In prison you can still eat, sleep and communicate. In prison you can even have good days, but you are still in prison. Here is a reality that can free you from bondage. We are all in a prison and not only are we in prison, but we all are on death row.
Freedom and intimacy go hand and hand. When we are not free our relationships suffer horrible consequences. A person cannot be intimate with God or anyone until they are free. The gates of hell shall not prevail. Paul called himself a bond slave. A bond slave was a slave that was set free, but then chose to willfully serve his master for life. Freedom first then true service is next. Some people seem free, but there is obligation at the core of everything they do. If our actions don’t come out of our hearts or they are not founded upon love then we are not free. If your faith is placed in an illusion you have no free will because the illusion is your master.
Our faith is often placed in illusions. In life there is one true reality and that is love. A person cannot be intimate with God or anyone until they have faith in that someone. Our goal should be to tear down the things that compete against reality in peoples’ lives. Today we may find out the things we held so dear were actually holding us. Today the true foundation of our lives may be proven weak as it starts to crumble. Today we may find out who really is free in Christ vs who was putting on a good show when their false foundations seemed strong. Trials bring awareness of our weaknesses and sometimes simple awareness is the solution. Humility combined with trials will bring us precious lessons. Lessons are the realization of where we fall in the scale of illusion and reality. We live in a constant battle between who we think we are verses who we actually are as a person. Our faith is always on either a reality or an illusion.
Meditation is disconnecting from the noise to hear the voice within. This voice is still and small so it requires the elimination of the chaos and focus. Some people live off what they know, but eventually this runs out. In the Bible David was on the run for quite sometime as Saul was trying to kill him. I wonder home many of his Psalms were written in hiding? Obviously trials can take us to a place where we have no choice, but to sit alone and hear from God. Trials build character. Why? Trials will often bring us to a place of reflection. Questions wake us up and sometimes life brings us the right questions through circumstances or the lips of another. Why is this happening? What am I feeling inside? What is the purpose? Where is God inside these circumstances? Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened? Do we seek and knock alone? Can others seek for us? Questions awaken, they reach deep inside us to invoke God’s voice. When the Bible talks about obediance it really means listening. Obediance is listening. Are you listening?
Pride is when we in our stubborness refuse to ask the right questions. Pride is when we continue on our own path and refuse to divert even when things are not working. I have known many prideful people and have known my own pride over the years. People become insistant about how things are done and will take no outside advice… not even God’s. Some of the christians that block God’s voice actually do it in His name. Some christians block God’s voice because they truly believe they have Him all figured out. Pride cannot hear a still small voice because pride won’t be still as in it’s stubborness it will keep moving forward even when things are not working. Pride cannot be small because it is always big and never has time to focus on things it defines as little. On the list of the sins God hates pride is number one because pride is what blocks us from connecting with His voice. We please God by listening to Him. Without faith it is impossible to please God. It takes faith to stop and focus to hear His still small voice. God loves us… He is love. What is true love telling you?
What is comfort?
We are not much different you and I because we both long for comfort. What is comfort? Some people may define comfort as a general sense of well-being. In todays fast pace world life has become very complex and filled with an increased number of things that can go wrong. Could comfort be defined as simplifying life to a level where fewer things can go wrong? Some of us swear that we enjoy a fast paced life with a lot of variables. Where does our ego fit into this equation? We all like to feel important in our roles as employees, parents, friends and siblings. Generally we all just want to feel great in some capacity. What does it mean if we are constantly trying to feel great or important? Is this an indication that deep inside we are not feeling great or important? What is a feeling anyway? Some people take prescription medication to obtain a sense of comfort, while others have a personal vice like smoking, alcoholism or an illegal drug. Feelings can be chemically altered making our whole world appear differently through our own eyes. What about the eyes of others? How do other people see us? If we fix the way we feel inside be it naturally or chemically does it change the way we appear outside? Are we separate or do we experience all the same anxieties? Have some people mastered their anxieties or is this part of an act that people put on to convince others of their greatness?
The Road Blocks to Comfort
If all of the road blocks to comfort are lies, what are those lies? We are very complex multi dimensional creatures made in the image of God. Each of our dimensions goes two directions, looking in and looking out. The first dimension is how we see ourselves verses how others see us. The second dimension is how we see others verses how others see themselves. The third dimension is how we see God verses how God actually sees us. Does true comfort come from the perfect alignment of these three dimensions? Somewhere in the midst of misaligned dimensions comes fear of the unknown defined by the “what if” scenarios that keep some of us awake at night. How do we deal with the what ifs? Do we take a sleeping pill? Do we just expect the worst case scenario to happen and frantically construct battle plans in our head? Here is a great “what if”, what if 99% of the things your feared were lies? That would mean 99% of your frantic thinking was a waste of time and 99% of the sleep you lost was for nothing. What if I could give you 99% of your mind back, imagine what you could do with 99% more mind power. How about taking that 99% more mind and just not using it? Is this what defines spiritual rest? Could comfort be defined as inner freedom? Only the truth can set our minds free. Even if the truth is scary we must embrace it to be lead to comfort.
If Comfort was a Drug what would be the Ingredients?
To define comfort lets return to our mother’s womb. God designed a woman’s body to be the source of comfort in a number of ways. This is what I would truly define as the circle of life. As a man who was once single I can say that embracing my loneliness put me on a quest for a solution. Through a less then perfect search I began courting numerous candidates in search of true love. Love is multi dimensional so I dated a number of ladies looking for that special two way connection. I was uncomfortable being alone as in being without a woman until the day I met my beautiful wife Jana. The first thing I noticed was her pretty blue eyes, her smile and flowing blonde hair. When I was with Jana she was tuned in and completely present in the most beautiful way. As our love grew deeper our egos seemed to disappear and an amazing connection formed. Jana became a source of comfort to me and to this day she is always there for me. My wife is my home and without her our home would not be a home. Marriage is tricky and if not seen in the proper context a marriage can become the source of discomfort. For example sake I am using a healthy marriage to demonstrate a point. In a healthy marriage relationship love leads to consummation as a source of comfort and consummation leads to conception. Conception brings a life into a mother’s womb and she becomes the home for a developing baby. Inside her womb is warmth, nourishment and protection. As a fetus grows its environment adjusts and the womb grows. The mother and the baby both become uncomfortable as the baby grows. Child birth occurs when the body embraces discomfort and labor pains make this evident. The life that was inside a woman’s body is now resting in the warmth of her arms and nursing at her breasts. Babies are very honest as seen when they embrace their discomforts and cry. When a baby is hungry, thirsty or has a dirty diaper they cry. If a baby is healthy it cries. As a baby grows into a toddler this honesty is often regarded as misbehavior. At some point as we grow most of us stop crying, we start pretending and we stop embracing our discomfort.
You are Me and I am You
We are all the same and the minute we forget this fact we experience a sense of discomfort called loneliness. We all need love. We all need warmth. We all need to belong. We all hunger, we all thirst and we all are kept awake by the “what ifs” some nights. All of us want to feel great and we all want to feel important. At the most basic foundation of humanity we are all the same. The answer is not prescription drugs, illegal drugs, alcoholism or a life made frantic in an attempt to eliminate all the “what ifs”. The answer is not marriage, child birth, career or anything else people grasp hold of in an attempt to feel important. Your freedom comes from the truth and the truth is that you are not alone. The answer is in a word called presence. Right now I am present and I am writing truth that always was and always will be. The fact is that if you were not important you wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t exist. You and I are in this together. I lay awake sometimes at night too. You are my child and every father worries that one day their child will forget just how important they are. It is not what you do that makes you important, but simply who you are. As a mother loves her baby so do I love you. I loved you before you learned to walk, to speak or use the restroom. Yet today your identity gets tied up in all the wrong things. I will always be waiting at home for you because “I AM” your home.
At the height of The Great Depression we heard FDR say “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” in his first inaugural address. The power of fear is wrecking havoc on America right now. If people refuse to spend their money because of fear then we will lose more and more jobs. Americans are causing the current economic crisis because they are living in fear. Our country is addicted to drama, we are glued to news channels and websites just waiting for the next catastrophe to happen. Our fears are actually creating the next catastrophe. Fear is an evil artist because it paints illusions that we will act upon and then our fears becomes reality. In the year 2005 a movie called Crash was released that painted a few brilliant pictures of how our fear actually causes bad things to happen. Americans today are gripped by fears of terrorism, opposing political forces, spiritual fears, economic fears and more. How are these fears negatively shaping our society? In America the number one prescribed drugs are for anxiety and depression.
- Antidepressants most-prescribed drugs in the U.S. according to The Center for Disease Control
- Of 2.4 billion prescriptions in 2005, 118 million were for antidepressants
- 25 percent of adults will have a major depressive episode at some point
The institutional church is just as guilty as the secular media of fear mongering. Fear is very, very damaging to society. Using fear to control people is witchcraft. Generating a sense of fear in people whether intentional or unintentional is placing a curse on people. Our fears are destroying both individuals and our nation. Using fear to control people is using a powerful psychological weapon. Using fear to motivate may produce quick results, but it literally will eat people alive from the inside out. In the movie Apocalypto Jaguar Paw teaches his son about fear in the line “Fear is a disease. Strike it from your heart”. How many times does God tell people in the Bible not to be afraid. Pastors who teach God’s word will be held to a higher accountability because they have the potential to plant the damaging seed of fear which becomes a disease inside of people souls. If there is one thing we should seek to abolish in the hearts of people all around us it is fear. If we can cure the fear then maybe we can avoid prescribing the drugs that only control the symptoms of fear. Using fear has provided a temporary benefit to drug company’s, to politicians, to pastors and many others. As fear destroys people from the inside out it will steal their focus, motivation, marriages, families and will eventually lead to reckless living, addictions or even suicide. Today it is fear that is truly America’s greatest threat.
- What are you afraid of?
- What important aspects of your life is fear currently destroying?
Fear is a demon:
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
In this world is a great illusion and like a machine it manufactures suffering. In an attempt to control the uncontrollable we collectively create all the problems in the world. People everywhere are trying to embrace something that does not exist. Solomon in the Bible called this chasing the wind. As we chase the wind we sacrifice what is real in exchange for a great illusion. Jesus said “if you seek to save your life you will lose it”.
If you don’t believe that chasing an illusion breeds suffering ask a suicidal Movie Star / Rock Star or a homeless person or ask the over 1% of the U.S. population sitting in prison cells or ask the people in America taking the number one prescribed drug for depression and anxiety. Oh and I am not finished! If you don’t believe that chasing an illusion breeds suffering ask someone with a college degree that cannot find a job, ask a day trader or retiree that lost everything in this economic downturn, ask a business man who is suffering the fear of losing his company or ask his employees that catch his fear like the plague and carry it home each day to their family or ask a divorced person whose marriage was based upon the illusion of financial security.
But don’t as a fundamentalist church because they are often too busy trying to save themselves to help you.
