Fear to Freedom – Holy Triage

Life is dynamic meaning spirituality looks different from the vantage point of each individual life. People think they can create a one size fits all spirituality, but that is actually religion not spirituality. The very fact that our lives are all different means we all take different paths… we are the path… our life is the narrow road. Do any two people see God the same? Do any two people see Christ the same? No matter what we "believe" it has been shaped by our own individual perception via life experience. The Christ I know today will transform into a completely different Christ as I grow spiritually, therefore each individual's perception is truly the road or the way… our lives are far too distinct to narrow it down to the so-called "one-way" mentality. Where does God or Christ truly exist… they live in our perception and our perception changes with time. Everything we know about God is in our perception therefore as our perception changes God changes. Anyone who tells you psychology is irrelevant to spirituality needs to realize our psychology is the lens with which we view God.

Unfortunately evangelism is just selling a religion like a household product. People talk about their religious product in ways that makes it the solution to all problems. People will even sell their particular church like a product. If I only had a dollar for every time a person said "MY CHURCH IS NOT LIKE OTHER CHURCHES". Too often the institutional church experience is like the various forms of medical marijuana that those clinics offer. One church makes you feel warm and fuzzy while another church scares you straight. All too often churches that people choose are more about finding a good fit for their personality then they are about truth. When the churches people attend have to fit their image… well… that says it all. Now we got people going to those fancy churches built like resorts with lot of amenities designed so we can impress our friends. Here is the truth sometimes a person's religion is the symptom of a deep psychological problem… I know it was for me anyway.

There are people in this world called sociopaths or pathological liars. A sociopath is a person who turns life into their own fantasy. Sociopaths recreate them self as a character in their own story and they freely construct elaborate lies to reinforce their story. Sociopaths are afraid of the truth so they shelter themselves inside a story. An extreme sociopath is a person who begins to believe their own story and they feel justified in lying to preserve the bases of their story. Today I am going to write about a form of sociopath behavior called institutionalism. Lets look deeper into the causes behind this sociopath behavior called institutionalism…

What happens when a Christian feels obligated to God? What happens when a wife feels obligated to her husband? What happens when a husband feels obligated to his wife? What happens when a child feels like a grade? What happens when an employee feels like a slave? What happens when life feels like a performance, when everything and everyone around you become the props? What does it mean when your passion is gone and you’ve lost touch with both your own humanity and the humanity of others? What does it mean when every day feels the same… that is if you can even still feel? What happens when a woman stays married only because she has no other place to go or no other way to provide for herself? What happens when a man stays married out of guilt, obligation or because the price of marriage is cheaper then the price of divorce? What happens when you go to a building called a church because you have to go and not because you want to go? What happens when life starts to get so cold that your longing for warmth becomes all consuming? What happens when your love for yourself begins to overcome your misery? What happens when your fear of losing everything is overcome by your fear of never finding true love? It has been said in order to win we must be willing to lose. In order to succeed we must be willing to fail. To find our life we must refuse to play it safe. Safe is not fun. Safe is not passionate. There is nothing romantic in playing life safe. Institutionalism is a form of sociopath behavior where playing it safe or feeling stuck leads to living a lie.

Now here is the truth… we all have felt stuck and will feel stuck many times through-out our lives. Life was never meant to be institutionalized and yet many have turned life itself into one big institution. We work because we have to, stay married because we have to and go to church because we have to. I personally believe that love and obligation are mortal enemies, but institutionalism attempts to merge love and obligation. What if life had no strings attached? What if freedom was just a decision? What if a husband and wife were held together by passion, not obligation? What if you could get a new job doing something you enjoyed, so that you didn’t feel like a slave? What if college isn’t for everyone and what if I told you that some of the wealthiest people in the world never graduated from college? If you are feeling stuck then why don’t you look your fears dead in the eyes or at least have the courage to open your eyes? It is surprisingly obvious when a person has lost their passion for you. It is obvious when your boss doesn’t see you the same anymore. It is obvious when you are failing at something or wasting your time? Time is precious, so why would you want a lie built upon obligation instead of a life built upon passion? Why would a person live a lie married to a person they don’t really love or stay married to a person who doesn’t really love them? Why would you want to waste your life in a dead end job or a job that makes you feel dead? Why would you want to keep banging your head against the wall over and over again? If you fail to reveal the truth on your terms eventually the truth will be revealed on its own terms. If you fail to use the truth to set yourself free you will live a lie not a life. We have two choices we can fall on the truth or the truth will fall down upon us. We will either empower ourselves with the truth or the truth will crush us. Why? because the truth is unstoppable.

To be enlightened is to become the truth. The truth flows like water. We must live like water and learn to flow. When water sits in the same place too long it becomes smelly, rotten and it stagnates. What if freedom was just a choice? What if you could be married to a person who truly loved you or be with a person that you truly loved? What if you could make money doing something you enjoyed and even without a college degree? I am realizing more then ever before in my own life that I am never stuck. Today I continue to make the decisions required to live in freedom. I have become an observer of truth. Observation leads to questioning and questioning leads to the truth and truth leads to freedom. I believe life is a journey to freedom that begins the day we are born. All of us have the freedom to make choices that lead to love. I am here today to tell you that you are never stuck. If each day you wake up next to a person you don’t love or next to a person who doesn’t love you, make a change because you both deserve better. You deserve better then to live in fear. You are not obligated to a sovereign God. You deserve better then a dead end job. Quit identifying with what you do. You are not a maid, a paycheck or a grade. You always have a choice and the second that you deny yourself a choice… that very second you have become institutionalized. Love is not a “have to”… love is a “want to”. Love and obligation are mortal enemies that when combined produce institutionalism. Institutionalism is a cold passionless existence, spent going through the motions. Institutionalism is living without being fully alive. If you want to play it safe in life then prepare for a cold, passionless life of obligation. If you want to be free then start questioning everything that is cold and passionless in your life. You deserve better. Time is precious, so why would you want a “lie” built upon obligation instead of a “life” built upon passion?

How can people who read the same Bible and attend the same church have completely different interpretations of both God & the Bible?

Think of it like SECURE people and an INSECURE people.

If an INSECURE single person gets a smile from an attractive member of the opposite sex how do they handle it?

VS.

If a SECURE single person gets a smile from an attractive member of the the opposite sex how do they handle it?

When Jesus taught His parables He knew people would react in one of three different ways. Some people would interpret His parables totally wrong, some people would not be able to interpret them at all and some people would actually totally get it.

Today if I read the Bible believing God is mean and He hates me I will add something to it. If I read the Bible believing God loves me it makes it almost impossible to subconsciously add to it… since God is love.

Example: In the parable of the talents it is clear that the man who received the one talent did not believe God was good. See how not believing God is good effects his behavior…..

Mat 25:24-30 “Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. ” ‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Example: Few people in the Old Testament really GOT God like David did as revealed in the Psalms. David is even considered a man after God’s own heart.

Mat 12:3-8 He answered, “Haven’t you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread—which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests. Or haven’t you read in the Law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple desecrate the day and yet are innocent? I tell you that one greater than the temple is here. If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.”

I happen to believe the God of the old testament was totally misunderstood by His followers. In the above scriptures even Jesus clearly indicates these people didn’t GET God (saying David did get God). This makes me question some of the writings in the Old Testament

We live in a world that represents the elite’s vision to harvest profit. Everything including education is designed to make us produce for the elite. We are slaves and most of us don’t even know it. There are a few elite controlling the masses via big government and via large corporations. The elite keep us hypnotized with a few promises and the crumbs that fall from their tables. We are slaves until the day we become aware of our slavery. Once we are aware we often become alone because we begin to see something that most don’t see. We are hypnotized by the media, video games, greed for gadgetry, sex, a lust for power and popularity. EVEN when we launch movements it often becomes more about us then the cause. Once the elite can no longer rule us in this fashion then prepare for a dictatorship that will be soon to follow.

This is a reflection of a parent who keeps there kids entertained for the purpose of keeping them out of their hair. What happens when the child one day wakes up to this form of manipulation? On that day begins his/her revolution which is often labeled a rebellion.

The American Indians that we robbed, raped, lied to and then murdered did not believe in hierarchies. The American Indians did not believe people were meant to rule over each other. The people we stole this country from became our slaves for a time until the day we didn’t need them and decided to make them our enemies to justify murdering them. Today we are at risk of succumbing to the same fate under the power of the elite.

This is why I love the movie AVATAR!

It is the darkness that conceals what lies deep down at the core that God seeks to eliminate. All I did was articulate what some feel / sense yet fail to understand. Evil means simply to conceal the truth. The world we live in that God tells us to not be of has found many ways / means to shield the truth. Again… I know this is dark, but it is what many feel / sense yet fail to understand. HOWEVER, the truth is when a feeling / sense gets articulated (becomes light) causing some to go into denial (hide) and others to be set free.

We are like gifts that God is unwrapping in this life, but some would rather not be unwrapped because they prefer darkness rather then light.

In the past I have been guilty of planning and producing the “Me Show”. The “ME SHOW” is about trying to be somebody when you feel deep down like a nobody. I find it easy to love and forgive those types of people because I know what it is like to feel like a “nobody”. I have had friends that constantly boast and I have accepted them knowing that behind all the bragging lies pure misery. When your identity is based upon external forces that are beyond your control…. life is like riding a wild horse that can never be broken. I see people everyday thinking they have the power to break the wild horse (life), but these people are only happy when they are temporarily holding something, something that will eventually lead to their deep misery when the wild horse (life) kicks them off… over and over again. This is why I find the Buddhist concepts of desire leading to pain very realistic.

Now that my “ME SHOW” is over my goal today is to simply pour out my heart with no strings attached…. even draw attention toward others and away from me when I have the opportunity. Love given and received freely is my reward. I am glad to not be in a position where my financial security or my self esteem is dependent upon my popularity. I can freely speak my mind without the worry of people deleting me from their friends lists. After graduating from Bible college I decided not to be a pastor because watching other people’s “me shows” started making me sick to my stomach.

The best favor anyone can do for themselves is avoid seeking an identity in the girls, the gold and the glory. The smart girls can usually see right through you, the gold is easily lost unless you make it your wicked slave master and the fame only opens the doorway to controversy. When people identify with the girls, the gold and the glory they invite destructive fears into their lives…. fears that often bring death to their door step early.

The majority in the world that make $2.00 or less a day actually have jobs…… hence we have greed. Greed will forever say more for less. This greed at one point brought American cotton farmers to support the slave trades, but today we refuse to call people paid $2.00 or less a day by their true names…. SLAVES. We love the cheap labor that allows us to get more for less at our Walmart stores.

Today the only way to bring the manufacturing jobs & security back to America is through an economic collapse. The collapse is also hurting the rest of the world. As our wages fall…. so is the requirement for a lower cost of living. Today many are getting the lower mortgages required to be able to buy a home in our own country. What goes around comes around.

Don’t be fooled…. it is a war…. main street vs Wall-Street…. in America main street always wins because Wall-Street dies without us. So if you are unemployed, collecting unemployment, without health insurance or burdening the system in anyway….. fight on soldier! Victory is coming! Both the Government and Wall Street need to keep their cattle healthy so they can continue to milk them for maximum profits.

On a recent visit to my father’s house in CA my cat started doing something weird. As I was working at a desk I heard a clawing noise behind me. When I turned around I was surprised to find my cat sucking on a fuzzy purple robe and doing this marching motion with only his front paws. When I first saw this behavior I laughed because I knew right away it was a harmless disorder some cats have called kneading. My cat did this kneading for around 30 minutes straight and then curled up in a ball to take his routine nap. The next morning I noticed my cat kneading again, pawing and sucking this fuzzy purple robe for around 30 minutes each morning for 9 days straight.

As I have grown spiritually over the years I learned many new things. I have learned that ones psychological state effects how they see God and each other. I have learned that animals are complex creatures with personalities and they feel emotions. When I was a Christian I had a tendency to over-simplify everything in order to feel a sense of control. I looked at animals as disposable entertainment because we were taught that animals didn’t have souls. I was taught as a Christian to compartmentalize everything into it’s appropriate category. As I grew spiritually I realized that the tree of knowledge created this compartmentalizing and categorizing disorder a tradition carried on by religion. I have learned over the years exactly what Jesus meant when He said do not judge in Mat 7:1-2. I have learned that duality is a crime to spirituality.

Some people believe a cat’s kneading behavior is a developmental issue caused early on when a cat is a kitten. I suspect that when a kitten has either nursed too long or not long enough the psychological impact causes this weird behavior. As I watched my cat’s weirdness each morning I began to wonder about the weirdness in myself caused by the things in my past. I wondered about the wounds that were left unhealed far too long or development that may have been stunted by a well meaning nurturer. I love my cat in spite of his weirdness to the degree that I consider him a member of the family. In fact I love my cat more because of his weirdness because his weirdness makes me feel more connected with him. Why does human weirdness have to divide people as it often does? The simple reason I could connect with my kneading cat is the fact that I am connected to my own weirdness. Jesus said before you attempt to remove the speck in your brother’s eye first remove the plank in your own. Our familiarity with our own flaws is what helps us to see more clearly for the purpose of loving people in the purest form possible.

So there you have it…. a lesson on weirdness and how it connects with a beautiful side of loving each other. If you understand weirdness you can love someone deeper, but if you refuse to understand weirdness your relationships will lack the grace and mercy that Jesus spoke about. Love thrives in understanding and dies when it is not understood or when a person refuses to understand. So much for blind faith. Understanding breeds compassion, forgiveness and grace. To be loved is to be understood, to be lonely is to be constantly misunderstood.

“As I Attract The Way, I Will Travel It” – Matthew Ward

Explanation: People who constantly attract abusive people or who constantly end up in abusive circumstances (not knowing why) are self abusers. Only a self abuser could sit in an abusive church congregation and be completely blind to the abuse taking place. This is the essence of spiritual blindness and why Jesus said first look at the log in your own eye before you point out the speck in your brothers. Self abusers struggle with the concept of mercy and grace toward both themselves and others therefore they harbor a lot of grudges. Self abusers keep long lists of people and evidence in there hearts that are a reflection of victimization. All this negative energy finds its way out in the form of abuse that is both given and taken. Some people love drama for this reason because it validates them. One result of an identity crisis is the need to create enemies for the purpose of establishing a personal identity. We create a dramatic story where we are the hero and others become the evil enemy. George W Bush did this and all it did was screw up the world and cause wars. Entire religions and movements have been established on the above principles. We feel like we need to create a group, religion or church for the purpose of identifying with or defining ourselves. People make a lot of money off of our hunger for a sense of belonging. People often get rich by simply finding a way to capitalize upon this collective identity crisis. The end result is the designer of this great scheme laughs his/her way all the way to the bank. Self abusers / the abused both abuse and attract abuse.

The cure: Jesus basically said have no enemies when He said love both friend and enemy the same. We know we are cured when we first learn to identify and live inside our own mess which results in us being more tolerant and understand of other peoples messes. Eliminating the need to create or join groups, religions, movements and all sorts of false solutions all for the purpose of putting our identity crisis at ease. This whole idea is a paradox of the sorts. The above truth is so powerful it could get me crucified like it did someone else I know.

We live in an abusive world that is often totally blind to this vicious cycle….