Fear to Freedom – Holy Triage

There are more ways then one to bring up the past. When we bring up the past we are giving it power over the now. Most people allow the past to pollute their present without even realizing it. The past is far more then the verbal story that people tell. The past is a feeling people carry inside them. The past is an experience people look through. For those enmeshed with the past it has become a part of themselves and removing it is more complex then amputating a body part. For some the past is a cancerous limb attached to there soul that spreads to many aspects of their life. For some the past is such a strong part of their identity that the act of forgiving would mean losing a big part of themselves. The past destroys people slowly by sabotaging their relationships because as people peer through the past it causes them to make assumptions about people and situations. The past causes people to expect history to repeat itself and in doing this they often create a self fulfilling prophesy. Those severely enmeshed with the past will keep retelling the same old story and in doing so they keep reliving that story over and over again. Some people are enmeshed with a negative past, while some are enmeshed with a positive past. An un-dealt-with past is like undigested food…. like indigestion. An un-dealt-with past is like acid reflux. An un-dealt-with past is like stomach acid that keep coming up and inflicting the same pain… over and over. Enmeshment to the past is much like a drug addiction. Loved ones who try to set them free will get a violent response as if they were rejecting them. Trying to get a person clinging to the past to let go and move forward can be very hazardous. I have known and still know a few people who tell the same stories over and over again and even when you tell them you have already heard the story they still keep on telling it. I bet someday they will have rehab programs for people who are addicted to the past.

War veterans will often retell a story in which they were the victim of war, while others retell a story where they were the hero of war. Instead of living life in the now those enmeshed with the past insist on going back and retelling the same stories over and over again. Why do people keep retelling these stories? The people who tell these stories want you to know they are a victim or they want you to know that they are hero. The people who keep retelling these stories are giving you hints about who they are by telling you who they were, so that you will see them the same way they see themselves. People who spend hours in their mind retelling story after story they are defining the stories and allowing the stories to define them. If you want a first hand glimpse of people who live in the past all you have to do is find a place where alcoholics hang out. Misery loves company because the misery becomes invisible in the company of misery. Spiritually speaking evil is the act of concealing the truth… hiding the bars of the cage… pretending to be free. The word “PRESENCE” has taken on a whole new meaning to me these last couple of years. It is so obvious and irritating when you are spending time with someone whose past is keeping them from being present. Children are often the victim of parents that are in the same room, but not really present for their own child. It is extremely annoying to spend time with a person whose mind seems to always be somewhere else. What could be more important then being present? How can a person be present when they are a hostage to the past?

People who live in the past live inside a cage and the presence of free people makes their cage painfully visible. Retelling the stories is a way to ask see my cage… see my cage… do you see my cage now? When faced with freedom a person living in the past feels obligated to retell the stories because once again the mountain they face becomes painfully visible in their path. Sometimes people start retelling old stories when they are about to say goodbye or flat out run away from their feelings or run from the people who cause them to relive these feelings. Living in the past poisons relationships by replacing intimacy in the now with poison from yesterday. These people keep repainting, redefining, sabotaging and anticipating history to repeat itself. If you try to introduce reality into the picture they paint you will cause them to draw a sword. The only way to have a relationship with a person in a cage is to not love them. How could you love someone and yet still let them live in a cage? Relationships between people caged by the past and free people usually will not work unless caged people are willing to acknowledge the cage they live inside. A teaching tool opens doors by accepting responsibility or forgiving wrongs and moving on. A person caged by the past is often using pride as the lock on their door. The best thing you could do for people who live in the past is to draw a boundary by respectfully asking them to not talk about the past. When you draw a boundary they may run, but you keep the door wide open… you make the running about them… you make them take responsibility for walking away by simply keeping your door open. When you keep your door open, you refuse them the opportunity to play the victim. Boundaries in relationships are healthy… those who fail to let us draw boundaries are not healthy.

The final cure for the past is the light of God. When the past keeps coming up over and over it is in fact a sign that it has yet to be brought under God’s light. I started meditating upon the issue of the past and realized that some people will not be able to bring their past under the light in this life. Horrible things have happened to people…. in fact SO horrible that these people will only understand it when they stand in death directly before the light of God. The goal however is to shed light on the past in this life in a way that stops the past from robbing us of the precious opportunities to love, to be loved and to live present in the now. When people keep telling the same old stories it is a sure sign that they have yet to be healed and require an extra measure of grace.

I hope I have given people the opportunity to rise above and see a new perspective. It is not about the destination, but the journey. Life is a process that works uniquely with all of us. As long as we have a next breath that next breath holds a purpose for our life. Life itself is the answer that attempts to lead us to the right questions.