It is sad to see how our current world/culture emasculates many men. Yesterdays men fought, hunted and defended… today's men sit on the couch getting fat as they live vicariously through professional athletes or their favorite action movie star. I must say in many ways our society is screwed up… The number one prescribed medications are for depression, anxiety and sleep aids. I refused to be brainwashed by the hypnotic bug light consumerism uses. In other words us men need a battle to keep us happy otherwise we will become hypnotized by a virtual battle field. Many men project that longing for battle in the direction of women… they try to prove to themselves they are a man by attempting to win over the heart of a woman… You will always lose when you try to win over something you already possess… Men need to take that desire for battle someplace else besides their marriage. OH and don't get me started on religion… Some men project that need for battle into some sort of imaginary spiritual warfare… Many men become pastors in these imaginary spiritual wars… Remember your job is just work (not a battle just a way to feed your family). Below is a survival guide for men in the form of a few simple rules…
Rule #1: To have a lasting marriage never take your woman too seriously.
Rule #2: Never look to your woman for affirmation of your manhood… if you do you're giving her the power to destroy your life and your marriage… no woman wants to possess this sort of power over you… They only want this power when they DON"T have it. Women desire control (one form security), but when they have complete control… let's just say the thrill is gone and so is their man's balls. A woman will destroy everything that makes her man sexy if her man allows her too.
Rule #3: Never make it your woman's job to make you happy… if you do you are setting her up for failure… Hence why many women are drawn to the over-confident bad boy type… who doesn't need them.
Rule #4: Operate neither dependently nor independently…. instead operate interdependently… it is human nature for people to take each other for granted… so if one is doing all the work the other will naturally be doing absolutely nothing… Never give more than you get out of the relationship because that is not an interdependent state.
Conclusion: Evolutionary psychology has proven women have evolved to be attracted to attributes related to security and men have evolved to be attracted to mostly child bearing qualities… hence why women are testing, fickle and more selective about men, where-as men just want to go out and spread their seed…
The church show must go on… People who struggle to accept themselves run to church in an attempt to feel accepted… This is one example of how insecurity makes people selfish… Who would've ever thought the very act of going to a nice building to sing songs and study the Bible could be so selfish… yet it is… People want to feel they have an in with God… People want to feel knowledgeable… People want to get those warm fuzzy feelings that the church show often creates in them, but in the end it is nothing more than a combination of insecurity and emotionalism. If you don’t think this is you than here is the question… would you feel less accepted if you stopped going to church? How you honestly answer this question will determine whether or not you go to church in an attempt to accept yourself… I am not judging you because I cannot answer this question for you.
Who do I think I am?
I am a person who has grown to accept himself. I am not being arrogant, but rather I am being honest and vulnerable. I'd rather spend time with my kids then put them in Sunday school to be indoctrinated or taught how NOT to accept them self. The church has to beat people up with one hand, so they will keep coming back to be healed by the other. What I am saying is based on not only my personal experience, but also the experience of MANY others. Most of my friends have outgrown/graduated from the so-called "church". I will be forever thankful for the years I attended church and the fact that I even graduated from Bible College, but there comes a time where you have to move on. Spiritual growth demands that we grow from attending church into being the church. For me sitting in a pew listening to someone else's "interpretation" of God is a waste of time.
Is God going to punish me if I stop going to church?
I seem to remember a man who built a whip and then ran through the church angrily turning over the money changers tables… this man was Jesus. Jesus rebuked the church of his day for robbing people… for becoming an obstacle between people and God. If you read the scriptures God's wrath was most often poured out upon "religious" people and basically "politicians"… all people who didn't accept themselves so they went around "trying" to be like God. Basically idol worshipers who created gods in their own image and political leaders who tried to be like God. The everyday sinners that followed Jesus did not experience such wrath.
The evidence against church as we know it.
I have studied theology for over 25 years and can find no good reason to go to church. The Bible does not tell us to go to church, nor does it even provide a model for conducting church. There were no church buildings for over 300 years after Jesus was crucified. All people have to go on is that verse in Hebrews that states "do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as a body of believers"… but that could mean anything. Jesus Himself said where 2 or more are gathered in His name that He would be in their midst. That whole law of Sabbath day thing is equal to the law of circumcision… it is no longer required… just like tithing 10% is no longer required. We are God's bride, so we are one with Him and share in all that is His. I don't give my wife only 10% of my paycheck and only visit her on Sundays. The legal relationship with God was over a LONG TIME ago.
Reasons not to attend church.
First I guarantee most of your offering goes to paying the expenses of your church… in other words it never even reaches the hands of those in need. Second if your church is like most churches you are endorsing a system or institutionalism that is more about maintaining its existence then it is about love. Third if you have kids you are risking them being taught they are unacceptable sinners rather than God's bride. Fourth church in general is a waste of precious time that only distracts us from what really matters… such as family time. Some people feel as if when they watch a game they are IN the game, so the church show must go on. It would be far more beneficial for people to figure out the self acceptance issues that make them exploitable. What most people don't realize is pastors often become pastors due to their own self acceptance issues. If people would stop and be honest with them self they'd be shocked at the real reasons they go to church. I honestly can say my heart was overwhelmed with compassion for myself when I finally saw the motivation behind my outer search for God… all along He was within me… never was He in those buildings we label churches. People go because they think they need to in order to be an acceptable “bride of Christ”. If my wife had to work for my acceptance I'd be a no good husband, so why is it any different with God? My groom (God) lets me sleep in on Sundays! Haha!
Life has a way of correcting our path. It can be hard not to stand in the way of life's correction upon a friend or loved on. The more I contemplate our existence the more I realize that Heaven and hell are inside of us where all the conflict that shapes us takes place. Life is the refiner’s fire. Only we ourselves can walk through this fire called life. Nobody can walk through the fire on our behalf. No one else can fully understand our unique conflict. Others can love us, comfort us, judge us or mock us as we face our inner conflict. It is easy to put the strain of another’s inner war upon our own shoulders, but that is not being fair to our self. Grace is not taking another’s inner conflict personally. Grace is not taking how that inner conflict causes them to treat us personally. Grace is loving them even when they become our enemy.
The following was written to the family and friends of Jacob.
When you wake up one day and you realize that nothing was as it ever seemed it will devastate you. I have seen this illusion that I once called "my" life and I have been crushed by it. I am on the same journey Jacob traveled and I don't blame him… I don't judge him. People choose to end their life by many means from eating unhealthy, chemical abuse, living recklessly or by being alive, but not living at all. When you wake up and you are no longer a character in the story you've created… when you realize it was in fact indeed a story… it is devastating. I know what despair feels like. In some ways we are all alone Why? because who we are is far too complex for another person to know. There is not another person on the planet who fully understands us in perfect depth… even if that person existed would they even have the time or want to take the time to really know us? All of the above is at the heart of mysticism and its potential to be destructive to those who open the door by questioning the illusion… the matrix. Today I stay alive because life has become a game, a mirage that I constantly toy with, a rough ocean where I ride waves with the potential to destroy me… or could they really destroy me? Some day we all will die alone Why? because even that person holding our hand as we take our last breath will have no idea what we are going through. Welcome to purgatory! You have 3 choices, 1.) deny it, play along with it, become a slave to it, refuse to question it, 2.) Acknowledge it then leave it by allowing it to destroy you, be swept out to sea by the rip currents of the matrix. 3.) Face your fears, accept it, see it all for the illusion it really is, grieve, and learn to ride the ever changing currents of this illusion by refusing to take your fears too seriously. I believe lots of suicides are the result of step 2 above when people become spiritually enlightened resulting in grief and despair as they see the truth for the very first time. The greatest fear is this loneliness you initially feel when you realize the "you" who will never be understood is nonexistent because all are one. Sin is the illusion of separateness, sin is the belief in separateness that leads to death. I love you all because "I am" you all… "I am" Jacob. No matter what choices we build our story with…. they will all ultimately lead to the truth. The pain is only the evidence of our interconnectedness. When one of us dies a part of each of us dies. The honesty with our own self reveals the pure fact we're on the same journey… we just make this journey look different by the unique way we travel it. It becomes easy to understand and forgive people when you realize there is no right or wrong… only different places on the same journey. Even the lies we tell our self inevitably point to the truth. The journey itself has a way of setting things straight even if it doesn't happen until the very end/beginning when we finally see our self for who we really are under the light of the divine.
Unfortunately evangelism is just selling a religion like a household product. People talk about their religious product in ways that makes it the solution to all problems. People will even sell their particular church like a product. If I only had a dollar for every time a person said "MY CHURCH IS NOT LIKE OTHER CHURCHES". Too often the institutional church experience is like the various forms of medical marijuana that those clinics offer. One church makes you feel warm and fuzzy while another church scares you straight. All too often churches that people choose are more about finding a good fit for their personality then they are about truth. When the churches people attend have to fit their image… well… that says it all. Now we got people going to those fancy churches built like resorts with lot of amenities designed so we can impress our friends. Here is the truth sometimes a person's religion is the symptom of a deep psychological problem… I know it was for me anyway.
Eliminating threats is not the realization of something new, but awareness of something that already exists. Our reactions to others is not about them… instead our reactions themselves are the enemy. Our lies to our self are the biggest threat. Our lies form out of our constant grasping. If we begin observing our own reactions to that which we are grasping for… we will learn that both suffering and happiness exist within us. It is the grasping that feeds our suffering. We cannot find happiness until we first find contentment within. Those who are grasping create their own threats when they blame outside sources for their misery or when they reach to outside sources in search of happiness.
When we find our self in between a person and that which they are grasping for at that point we become the victim of the lies this person tells them self. Even Jesus said "forgive them Father for they know not what they do". People in competition with us are grasping. Revenge is a form of grasping. Unforgiveness is a form of grasping. Greed is a form of grasping. Codependency is a form of grasping. Addiction is a form of grasping. Religion is a form of grasping… So we cannot control that which others are grasping for, but we can control our own grasping before it becomes destructive.
There is no such thing as being wrong… only a journey that leads us all to the truth. Just as it takes failure to eventually succeed, it also takes being wrong to eventually be right. Wrong is a part of the journey that leads to right, so wrong and right are really one. In other words if I was a mass murderer eventually I am going to have to face the truth… face my true reflection…. Every lie points to the truth… Fear points to love…. Cold points to warmth…. Darkness points to light… One thing becomes the space for another…. We experience heaven or hell by how we live in this moment… and by whether we live with our eyes open or shut… The only consequence of my wrongness will be guidance to the truth… Even Jesus said those who seek will find… Blessed are the hungry, the thirsty, the poor in spirit because all these represent emptiness that when embraced leads to a blessing. I was a Christian until I was humble enough to be wrong about my beliefs and today that willingness to be wrong has lead to more freedom then I have ever experienced before. Christianity was an important part of my journey of wrongness that leads to truth.
The eternal torture chamber called hell invented by the Catholic Church is hypocritical. WHY? Fundamental Christians state it is OK for god not to force people into having a relationship with him, yet it is OK for God to force those who don't have a relationship with him into hell by default. A truly loving god would actually create a happy place in between for the people he loves who don't love him back to spend their eternity. Fundamental Christians worship a weak god who is incapable of reconciling all things to himself. Would it surprise you if God was so good that people have become blind to His existence in this life? WHY? My point is to challenge every human limitation that people place upon God's grace and love.
Rehabilitating people is the purest form of justice. A just God fixes people by bringing them back to their original state. Life is a part of this journey. The challenges we face show us the truth about ourselves and the world at large. Heaven and hell are about how we handle those challenges in the here and now. An out of control ego is a living hell, but the servant of ALL experiences God's kingdom in a great way. Meditation is when you look within and you become the book and you obtain the ability to change the story midway through.
They call this returning to our original state, reclaiming our childlike faith, becoming fully human again or returning home. For me finding my home is feeling fully comfortable in my own skin again. At the root of all dysfunction lies a lack of self acceptance which causes us to behave strangely or isolate ourselves at times. It is sad to find that so many people have become the victims of their own self rejection. Self rejection keeps us from feeling at home and prevents us from being who we were created to be. Self rejection is a cage with invisible bars that holds many people hostage by making them feel alone or misunderstood.
As I focused on the demon of self rejection I gained the ability to place it under the light of awareness. The truth is that our society as a whole is plagued by this demon and it leaves people feeling like orphans, but we are not orphans… we are one. The coolest thing about facing your fear of rejection is finding out there are a lot of people out there facing the exact same fear in the exact same way.
Labels are a symptom of self rejection because people use labels as a way of gaining acceptance. When we reject our self we will fail to understand people and our solution will be create categories to careless classify people. Consider the categories good and evil. It is extremely ignorant to believe that people just wake up one day and out of the blue decide to be dysfunctional. Since Christianity is plagued by self rejection it generically defines/judges people and circumstances. Most Christians actually think they have everything figured out including God. My feeling is that it is not a god classifying people it is mans tendency of self rejection doing so and this constant judging is the root of politics, religions and wars.
Ultimately who we are is dependent upon how we judge God or whether we judge God. An agnostic for example refuses to judge God. A religious cult has extreme judgments of God's character. In between agnostic and religious cults are people who also judge God in harmful ways. There are a lot of people out there who claim they have grown past these unhealthy fears, but then they go around judging people or even worse judging God Himself. I am merely posting thoughts to challenge the thought of those who careless judge God. When people judge God they apply limits to His love which then leads to carelessly categorizing people. When people erroneously judge God they will justify wars and hateful behavior. When people erroneously judge god they create their own hell on earth.
The most extreme Christians I knew over 20 years ago are either currently depressed or they no longer practice Christianity. When I finally took an honest look at where history leads these individuals it was eye opening. Some of these people were pastors and worship leaders, while others were members who devoted 100% of themselves to serving the institution/cause. People who suffer from extreme self rejection or low self esteem often become these so called “on fire” Christians. People turn to Christianity as a way to feel good about them self. Christianity often becomes a way for people with low self esteem to feel smart, superior or useful. The institutional church is like the drug pusher who capitalizes upon these lost souls who are in search of purpose. People often become Christians for the same reasons they become cops or join the military. Inside of all of us is a desire to fit in or to feel significant. I believe most turn to Christianity seeking a sort of high and their visits to the institution are more about reaching that emotional high. Just like injecting heroine eventually you can’t get enough heroine to create that first time high experience. At this point a religious addict becomes depressed. I am not just someone trying to get attention; I am a person who fell into this miserable trap. I went to Bible College and devoted years of my life to the dream of becoming a pastor.
I am currently watching people waste their lives climbing the institutional ladder knowing the higher they climb the more it will injure them WHEN they fall. By the time you throw half your life away serving the institution or serving your low self esteem (not God) you have sacrificed precious time that you will never get back. People leave the ministry and they can’t find a job which pays enough to support their family. If the only skills a person has is being a pastor they will find themselves trapped by institutionalism or living in poverty making low wages. The only worse scenario is a life time trapped inside religious addiction.
There is a phrase that applies to many things that states “too hot not to cool down”. When we try to be a super hero we end up having to create villains to sustain our super stardom. Suddenly a person who just simply disagrees with you becomes LOST or CRAZY or FALLEN AWAY maybe even possessed by SATAN. Funny how Christians condemn those who practice deep meditation YET every Sunday they close their eyes and try to do the same thing. In other words Christianity is like a glass of water that used to be pure, but somebody through-out the years put poison in the water and now the whole glass is contaminated. Case in point… if I set up a meeting and invited all the local “Christians” what kind of people would show up? If we base our observations on reality then Christianity has been ruined. Most of which we classify as Christian has been poisoned by those people seeking a high being exploited by those selling them books, tickets to seminars and retreats. It is not just the religion of Christianity that has been poisoned all you have to do is follow the money in any religion to see the story behind the story.
Drugs, religion and codependent relationships are interchangeable addictions the addictive personality can often substitute one for the other, but all are addictions. When one switches to religion a codependent relationship with god becomes their new drug. A codependent relationship with god can even cause a person to believe that god is addicted to them. Some go there entire life being addicted to drugs, religion or living in codependent relationships. A loving father desires dignity for his children, not dependence. It is extremely unhealthy to use people, drugs or god in a way that enables the denial of dysfunction. When we use unhealthy means to veil our dysfunctions we grant our inner demons free access to torment us. When we deny our dysfunctions we give them complete control over us. Dependence is a very sad dysfunction and codependency is powerful. The problem is that enabling the dysfunctions of another often makes us feel powerful because it enables our own dysfunctions. We often get caught playing these hero victim roles and it is unhealthy and ugly.
People manufacture a god and then make it his responsibility to complete them. People create a drug called god then prescribe it to themselves as a cure and many end up disappointed. The people who turn god into a drug create a miserable world, then they blame the world instead of taking responsibility. No wonder so many Christians sit and wish that god would bring the world (really their world) to an end. All relationships based upon this hero victim phenomenon (including marriages) come to an end. God is not addicted to you and He does not want you to be addicted to Him.
Years ago a wise man taught me that "Depression is anger turned inward". Today I often ask… Why did I let that happen? How can I prevent that from happening again? The best anger is experienced when we finally take responsibility for the things that we allow to exist by stopping the blame game. Power is given not obtained, so that which has power over us is being empowered by us. Ungrateful people who complain day after day have chosen to empower their dark side. Do I have a dark side? Of course! Today I make a choice not to dwell within the dark corner of my soul lest I empower it to produce destructive results upon my life.
What initially leads many to Christianity is dysfunction. I used to be a Christian. I became a Christian in my childhood. I was ridiculed as an over weight child and ruthlessly terrorized by bullies. In the middle of this interpersonal struggle my severely handicapped little sister was born. As the bullies at school tortured me I was already being tortured inside my heart watching my new little sister endure risky surgeries and tests at the hospital. At a very important developmental time in my life my vulnerabilities shaped into the perfect victim for fundamental Christianity. At a time when I desperately needed a self esteem boost Christianity told me that god accepted a pitiful mess like me. The god of Christianity became the pimp and I became the whore. Thank God that today I am no longer that victim. Today I use my painful past to connect with the pain of others and free them from bondage.
In the dark corner of my soul I found perfectionism. The form of perfectionism I battle leads one not to play at all for he would rather sit on the sidelines then play an imperfect game. When we expose a demon in our soul it becomes our teacher on its way out the door. It is sad the way perfectionism holds people hostage on the sidelines of life. Perfectionism keeps many people from living out their purpose. Our dysfunction make us vulnerable to both the trappings of extremism and addiction. Christianity made it easy for me to sit in the church pew on the sidelines because the self described experts were there to play the game. In my mind I pictured the day when I too would be an expert behind the pulpit and no longer be a spectator sitting in the church pew. My demons taught me that abusers use hope as a tool to manipulate people. I learned that I was never on the sidelines to begin with.
My life has been a journey to the dark corners of my soul. I have been beaten into shape by my demons. When we face our demons they teach us to dwell in the light. When we ignore our demons they have complete control over us. I have had destructive times in my life where I chose to love the darkness of misery. Misery loves company because the ego is easily insulted by those who contradict our excuses to be miserable. This is why we find herds of miserable people together drinking their sorrows away. Miserable people deeply resent happy people because behind ones misery they are protecting an excuse that empowers misery. Some people are afraid to be happy because of what happiness means. To some happiness means letting go of a dream, an addiction, a religion or for some of the unemployed it means facing their fear of rejection and going on job interviews. Being miserable is far easier then being happy, so some choose misery by building a case to be miserable. If you want to piss off a person who loves misery start jeopardizing the excuses they use to be miserable.
