Organic Church – Holy Triage

There are more ways then one to bring up the past. When we bring up the past we are giving it power over the now. Most people allow the past to pollute their present without even realizing it. The past is far more then the verbal story that people tell. The past is a feeling people carry inside them. The past is an experience people look through. For those enmeshed with the past it has become a part of themselves and removing it is more complex then amputating a body part. For some the past is a cancerous limb attached to there soul that spreads to many aspects of their life. For some the past is such a strong part of their identity that the act of forgiving would mean losing a big part of themselves. The past destroys people slowly by sabotaging their relationships because as people peer through the past it causes them to make assumptions about people and situations. The past causes people to expect history to repeat itself and in doing this they often create a self fulfilling prophesy. Those severely enmeshed with the past will keep retelling the same old story and in doing so they keep reliving that story over and over again. Some people are enmeshed with a negative past, while some are enmeshed with a positive past. An un-dealt-with past is like undigested food…. like indigestion. An un-dealt-with past is like acid reflux. An un-dealt-with past is like stomach acid that keep coming up and inflicting the same pain… over and over. Enmeshment to the past is much like a drug addiction. Loved ones who try to set them free will get a violent response as if they were rejecting them. Trying to get a person clinging to the past to let go and move forward can be very hazardous. I have known and still know a few people who tell the same stories over and over again and even when you tell them you have already heard the story they still keep on telling it. I bet someday they will have rehab programs for people who are addicted to the past.

War veterans will often retell a story in which they were the victim of war, while others retell a story where they were the hero of war. Instead of living life in the now those enmeshed with the past insist on going back and retelling the same stories over and over again. Why do people keep retelling these stories? The people who tell these stories want you to know they are a victim or they want you to know that they are hero. The people who keep retelling these stories are giving you hints about who they are by telling you who they were, so that you will see them the same way they see themselves. People who spend hours in their mind retelling story after story they are defining the stories and allowing the stories to define them. If you want a first hand glimpse of people who live in the past all you have to do is find a place where alcoholics hang out. Misery loves company because the misery becomes invisible in the company of misery. Spiritually speaking evil is the act of concealing the truth… hiding the bars of the cage… pretending to be free. The word “PRESENCE” has taken on a whole new meaning to me these last couple of years. It is so obvious and irritating when you are spending time with someone whose past is keeping them from being present. Children are often the victim of parents that are in the same room, but not really present for their own child. It is extremely annoying to spend time with a person whose mind seems to always be somewhere else. What could be more important then being present? How can a person be present when they are a hostage to the past?

People who live in the past live inside a cage and the presence of free people makes their cage painfully visible. Retelling the stories is a way to ask see my cage… see my cage… do you see my cage now? When faced with freedom a person living in the past feels obligated to retell the stories because once again the mountain they face becomes painfully visible in their path. Sometimes people start retelling old stories when they are about to say goodbye or flat out run away from their feelings or run from the people who cause them to relive these feelings. Living in the past poisons relationships by replacing intimacy in the now with poison from yesterday. These people keep repainting, redefining, sabotaging and anticipating history to repeat itself. If you try to introduce reality into the picture they paint you will cause them to draw a sword. The only way to have a relationship with a person in a cage is to not love them. How could you love someone and yet still let them live in a cage? Relationships between people caged by the past and free people usually will not work unless caged people are willing to acknowledge the cage they live inside. A teaching tool opens doors by accepting responsibility or forgiving wrongs and moving on. A person caged by the past is often using pride as the lock on their door. The best thing you could do for people who live in the past is to draw a boundary by respectfully asking them to not talk about the past. When you draw a boundary they may run, but you keep the door wide open… you make the running about them… you make them take responsibility for walking away by simply keeping your door open. When you keep your door open, you refuse them the opportunity to play the victim. Boundaries in relationships are healthy… those who fail to let us draw boundaries are not healthy.

The final cure for the past is the light of God. When the past keeps coming up over and over it is in fact a sign that it has yet to be brought under God’s light. I started meditating upon the issue of the past and realized that some people will not be able to bring their past under the light in this life. Horrible things have happened to people…. in fact SO horrible that these people will only understand it when they stand in death directly before the light of God. The goal however is to shed light on the past in this life in a way that stops the past from robbing us of the precious opportunities to love, to be loved and to live present in the now. When people keep telling the same old stories it is a sure sign that they have yet to be healed and require an extra measure of grace.

I hope I have given people the opportunity to rise above and see a new perspective. It is not about the destination, but the journey. Life is a process that works uniquely with all of us. As long as we have a next breath that next breath holds a purpose for our life. Life itself is the answer that attempts to lead us to the right questions.

It is another Saturday morning where my mind strangely has awakened at 2:30AM with a longing to write. I tried to resist for 1 hour only to lye there falling deeper into thought. What am I feeling that I feel so earnestly needs to be shared or further explored before my peers? Maybe it is just a health issue that often wakes me up early? I am awake, so I might as well write because it is what it is….

What is something we all started looking for at a young age, something that has lead some to religion, some to politics, some to wealth or the unsuccessful quest for wealth, even lead some to addictions? What have people sacrificed time, money, relationships and in some cases their sanity trying to find? What has led many people to be deceived… some for a moment and others for a lifetime? What keeps people awake at night and in some cases (like with me today) wakes them up early in the morning? What has become the lens that we all see ourselves and others through? What is the foundation for the kind of people, parents, friends, employees, and neighbors we are in our world? What is the cause for all the wars the world has ever fought? What have many people died trying to find it? Today I want to write about a simple word that affects every aspect of nearly all of our lives… Today I want to write about meaning.

Is meaning worth all the time, energy and trouble it creates? Is meaning something we find or something that finds us? Are any of us really qualified to define meaning to others or even ourselves? Does our search for meaning benefit us or in the end does it end up costing us? Do we lose more then we gain by searching for meaning? Do we hurt more people than we help when we believe that we have found meaning? Is meaning found in power or in resisting the desire to obtain power? Now I am not a Christian, but I believe in the teachings of Jesus. I believe Jesus was anointed and I see great truth in His words. Mahatma Gandhi successfully freed the nation of India by following the teachings of Jesus. Examine what Jesus said about John the Baptist below…

Matthew 11:11 “Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

When I look up close at the lives of others and even my own life I see a tricky search for meaning. Meaning is like the search for water in the midst of an endless hot and dry desert. There are many stories about people who thought they found meaning only to find out later they were wrong. There are many people who like to pretend they have found meaning. One thing for certain is the fact that few have stopped searching for meaning because clearly they have yet to find it. Those who pretend to have found meaning have sleepless nights, private moments of doubt and great despair. I have seen many arrogant preachers of meaning fall to what they define as sin. WHY? Because even they do not really believe in the meaning they preach. Has anyone really found meaning? When we all physically die at some point will we look back on our lives and find meaning? What about people who have stopped looking for meaning? What about the people who don’t believe meaning exists?

Does looking for meaning distract us from the most important aspects of live? Do we miss out on precious things right under our nose when we look outside our lives for meaning? Marriages and children are often destroyed by those who look outside their lives to find meaning. The search for meaning can often be summed up in the term “if only”. Many people live their entire lives saying if only I was, if only I had and if only I could. Our endless search for meaning seems to be designed to wear us out, leading to walls and countless dead ends. As quickly as we think we have found meaning is as quickly as meaning turns into a mirage in this dry desert we call our world. How do most find water in the desert? Most people stop their search at some point digging a deep hole and finding water right below where they are standing. The idea of a well reminds me of when Jesus broke through the barriers of Jewish racism to speak with the Samaritan woman at the well. This woman sought to find meaning in men only to end up relationally bankrupt.

John 4:9-18 Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

In conclusion I believe our quest to find meaning is the most destructive path we can follow. I believe our search for meaning takes us away from everything that truly matters. I believe our search for meaning often becomes an open doorway to the manipulation of preachers, politicians and corporations. The elite actually become wealthy by exploiting our search for meaning. TV commercials, infomercials and every form of advertising known to man are designed to remind us of our search for meaning. As our children become the victims of our frantic quest to find meaning, this dreadful disease spreads through history repeating itself over and over again. The search for meaning has spun like the black hole of history devouring peoples’ entire lives. I leave you with more words from Jesus….

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 7:14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Matthew 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

Matthew 19:15-24 (Jesus Counsels the Rich Young Ruler) Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?” So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” The young man said to Him, “All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Assuredly, I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Luke 8:14 Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity

Luke 12:15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”

John 6:27 Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him.”

John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.

John 6:68 But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

John 8:12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 17:3 And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.

Genesis 3:22 And the LORD God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

In the Beginning

In the beginning God was our Father. We didn’t have to worry about our next meal, our next paycheck, we didn’t have to know why, or how, or when. In the pureness of our minds we were able to live in the present moment, worry free, trusting our Father. In the beginning there was no law, only two trees representing two fruits, two futures, two choices. There was one tree that the Father warned us about and that was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The Father said for when you eat of it you will surely die. When we could have eaten from the tree of life we chose to eat of the tree of knowledge and in doing so brought into existence a new paradigm… The Paradigm of Good & Evil that Keeps Us from Seeing God.

The Consequences

The knowledge of good and evil began to obstruct our view of the Father. We became irrational, insecure, ashamed, naked and afraid. The Father that we directly communed with became a threat to us and we hid from Him. The first accusation then entered the world as a man blaming his wife, followed by the first of many murders and many other sins. People felt lost and they suddenly longed for structure or a system to fill the void once filled by the security of the Father’s love. People felt a separation from the Father and they felt a separation from each other defined as sin. Our minds were awakened in a way they were never intended to be… awakened in a way that blinded us. We began to question everything, we became discontent with simplicity, we began seeking answers where there were no answers and in this mad quest a once secure world became a dangerous place to live. We began to associate the Father with things that the Father has nothing to do with… things that we define as good and evil.

Biblical Examples of God not in Good or Evil

Jesus often demonstrated the blinding paradigm of good and evil in His parables. One example of the good and evil paradigm is found in the parable of Lazarus and the rich man. The rich man’s wealth didn’t have anything to do with the Father and the poor man’s suffering didn’t have anything to do with the Father. When we associate the Father with what we define as good and evil we often place Him in positions where He does not exist. One modern example how the paradigm of good and evil forms false doctrines is the Prosperity Doctrine. Many churches today teach that Jesus was financially rich and that we too will become financially rich by giving to the church institution. Many churches teach that the riches of the wealthy are a sign of God’s blessing upon them. The parable of Lazarus and the rich man disproves the fact that the Father has something to do with neither wealth nor poverty.

Another example when Jesus used a parable to demonstrate the blinding effects of the paradigm of good and evil is the parable of the prodigal son. The prodigal son was blinded by the paradigm of good and evil. He went to his father and asked for his inheritance early so he could go out and find what was missing in his life. In this parable the father represents God. The Father allowed the son to venture out, but only played the role of the observer. The father in this parable had nothing to do with the son’s success or failure, but rather merely played the role of the observer. The prodigal son’s quests lead him to misery and misery lead the prodigal son to return home. The misery the prodigal son created had nothing to do with the father in the story. In this parable the brother of the prodigal son is left confused and bitter by the paradigm of good and evil. The Father (God) in this parable breaks every rule in the book of parenting and in doing so completely operates outside the laws of good and evil through His exercising of pure grace.

Jesus also demonstrates how the Father operates outside the paradigm of good and evil in other parables including, but not excluding, the wheat & tares, the parable of workers wages, building bigger barns and when He asks the rich man to sell everything He has and give the money to the poor.

The Observer

In the beginning before the fall people had unobstructed communion with the Father. In the beginning by choosing to eat from the tree of knowledge we caused the Father’s role to become more of an observing role. In sin our direct connection with God becomes severed… in other words this direct connection dies. The consequence of sin in the world is tied to the suffering both that we cause and the suffering that we allow to exist. In a perfect world love fulfills the law and brings atonement. The word atonement means the undoing. Love has a sanctifying effect as it directly opposes sin. When we choose to love our enemies it brings a healing effect upon our world. When we learn to work outside the paradigm of good and evil our hearts beat with the heartbeat of Christ. The word holy means to be set apart. We become holy when we rise above the paradigm of good and evil, when we see beyond its blinding effect. Jesus said you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. Jesus came to open the eyes of the blind, to open the ears of the deaf and to set the captives free. We connect with the Father when we learn to observe like the Father.

Connecting with the Observer

1 Thessalonians 5:17 pray without ceasing,

What is prayer and how can we pray without ceasing? Could prayer be open eyes, open ears, a heightened sense of awareness where within holiness we obtain the ability to observe the way the Father observes? Could real prayer in its essences be the ability to see beyond, to rise above, to experience depth in the same way the Father does? What is walking in the spirit and could it possibly relate to praying without ceasing? How does connecting with the observer change our awareness? How does heightened awareness effect our actions? Does heightened awareness give us the ability to love in a way we once were unable to love? Upon our physical deaths do we completely and perfectly connect with the observer? In the book of Hebrews the Bible speaks of a cloud of witnesses could they be observing with the Father?

As I laid in bed from 3AM to 4AM thinking about this it became fascinating to consider how much sense it made!

I dedicate this article to my Atheist friends out there because I know they will love it.

Most of the “church” believes the world is getting worse and that evil will win the battle over the earth. The church will never improve a world they have written off as evil. Few Christians actually have faith in good as you can see by the emphasis they place on witch hunts. Most Christian’s have become pessimistic and cynical people known for seeing the worst in society. Most Christians repel the love of God, the love of others and even the love of their own children. If you cannot accept your redeemed self then you will never believe God and others will accept you. Christians miss out on true spiritual community allowing their wounds to sabotage any hope for healthy relationships. Christians hide their sins because they are afraid others will judge them in the same way they judge others. True Church starts in the heart and Christian’s hearts are often divided. Christian parents unknowingly abandon their own children to a “church” system that discourages people from being themselves. All these hidden hearts are left feeling unknown and filled with loneliness. Worst of all Christians are actually playing a role in the destruction of modern society, but in arrogance they walk through life believing they are improving the world.

The good works of Christians are often rooted in ego/insecurity or the desire to be a hero because many ultimately feel worthless. The world watches most Christian people treat God like a Prozac pill as they seek His presence like a drug to make them feel good and to cure their insecurities. Many Christians walk around bragging that God is “using them” to fill some authoritative role as His agents over the average in society. Christians love to appear smart and many have been “right” for so long that there pride refuses to let them be wrong. Many Christians love to defeat the Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses on there door steps and then they call it apologetics as they brag about it to there Christian friends. When Christians serve it is often more about feeling good then actually loving the people they are serving. After volunteering Christians will often talk about there good works and elevate themselves higher then they ought. Christians usually don’t care enough to even know the names of the homeless and the less fortunate they serve. Why? Because serving is often more about the warm feeling and the high they get then the people they serve. This is why it is so easy for churches to waste millions of dollars on beautiful buildings and worthless programs that improve their so-called images rather then truly tending to the needs of the poor, the widows and the orphans.

It is a good thing that God came for the sick, the weak, the fools, the least, the last, the lost, the poor, the widows and orphans. I guess all of those prideful people who think they are God’s gift to society are only fooling themselves. I am sure these so-called Christians stopped fooling the world a long time ago. The church will continue to see lower attendance and fewer tithes from its members as people leave “the building” in search of God. Those left in the pews will be those who sadly believe that God will somehow pay them back with a larger home or BMW in exchange for their tithes and offerings as there pastor flies around the world with his bigger traveling budget. The people left in the pews will fall victim to the money hungry and power hungry wolves who love to fleece the flock for all their worth. These “churches” will volunteer people to death, drain their pockets and then laugh as the door hits them in the ass on their way out. Why? Because “churches” operate like communist governments and they discipline people questioning the “system”.

So there you have it, the church really is making the world worse. There you have it the “churches” dramatic belief in the world’s destruction may actually become a self fulfilled prophecy, fulfilled by the “church” itself. Christians are actually a major source of love repelling, judgmental, arrogance that can only hinder them from making any real difference in the world. “Christian” lack of patients, grace and mercy will ultimately be returned to them in the same measure. Believe it or not the world and the secular media even now are calling the “churches” bluff.

Look at the past “Christian” president that “Christians” elected for 8 years. President Bush betrayed us; he made America into the laughing stock of the international community. President Bush wanted to be a hero like the typical Christian, but pride cometh before a fall. As the world watches the last so-called Christian nation go under it won’t be a pretty picture. The world will watch a so-called “Christian” nation rather spend hundreds of billions protecting our oil then saving the sick and the poor of Africa. We would rather build more weapons to protect our oil then for the purpose of ending genocide and child sex trafficing. We would rather generate more drama in our media to sell more advertising then promote the truth. Why? Because corporations own both Americans and it’s politicians. REMEMBER it is far easier to believe a lie that you want to believe then an “inconvenient truth”. What are the consequences? According to the CDC the most prescribed medications in America are drugs for anxiety, depression and sleep aids. When it comes down to it, there is often both sad and selfish motivates behind all the volunteer work & financial contributions. Everyone loves to feel like a winner.

Maybe Christians should read there own Bible and heed the words of Jesus below???

Matthew 7: 21-23

I Never Knew You “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

How can people who read the same Bible and attend the same church have completely different interpretations of both God & the Bible?

Think of it like SECURE people and an INSECURE people.

If an INSECURE single person gets a smile from an attractive member of the opposite sex how do they handle it?

VS.

If a SECURE single person gets a smile from an attractive member of the the opposite sex how do they handle it?

When Jesus taught His parables He knew people would react in one of three different ways. Some people would interpret His parables totally wrong, some people would not be able to interpret them at all and some people would actually totally get it.

Today if I read the Bible believing God is mean and He hates me I will add something to it. If I read the Bible believing God loves me it makes it almost impossible to subconsciously add to it… since God is love.

Example: In the parable of the talents it is clear that the man who received the one talent did not believe God was good. See how not believing God is good effects his behavior…..

Mat 25:24-30 “Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. ” ‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Example: Few people in the Old Testament really GOT God like David did as revealed in the Psalms. David is even considered a man after God’s own heart.

Mat 12:3-8 He answered, “Haven’t you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread—which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests. Or haven’t you read in the Law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple desecrate the day and yet are innocent? I tell you that one greater than the temple is here. If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.”

I happen to believe the God of the old testament was totally misunderstood by His followers. In the above scriptures even Jesus clearly indicates these people didn’t GET God (saying David did get God). This makes me question some of the writings in the Old Testament

We live in a world that represents the elite’s vision to harvest profit. Everything including education is designed to make us produce for the elite. We are slaves and most of us don’t even know it. There are a few elite controlling the masses via big government and via large corporations. The elite keep us hypnotized with a few promises and the crumbs that fall from their tables. We are slaves until the day we become aware of our slavery. Once we are aware we often become alone because we begin to see something that most don’t see. We are hypnotized by the media, video games, greed for gadgetry, sex, a lust for power and popularity. EVEN when we launch movements it often becomes more about us then the cause. Once the elite can no longer rule us in this fashion then prepare for a dictatorship that will be soon to follow.

This is a reflection of a parent who keeps there kids entertained for the purpose of keeping them out of their hair. What happens when the child one day wakes up to this form of manipulation? On that day begins his/her revolution which is often labeled a rebellion.

The American Indians that we robbed, raped, lied to and then murdered did not believe in hierarchies. The American Indians did not believe people were meant to rule over each other. The people we stole this country from became our slaves for a time until the day we didn’t need them and decided to make them our enemies to justify murdering them. Today we are at risk of succumbing to the same fate under the power of the elite.

This is why I love the movie AVATAR!

It is the darkness that conceals what lies deep down at the core that God seeks to eliminate. All I did was articulate what some feel / sense yet fail to understand. Evil means simply to conceal the truth. The world we live in that God tells us to not be of has found many ways / means to shield the truth. Again… I know this is dark, but it is what many feel / sense yet fail to understand. HOWEVER, the truth is when a feeling / sense gets articulated (becomes light) causing some to go into denial (hide) and others to be set free.

We are like gifts that God is unwrapping in this life, but some would rather not be unwrapped because they prefer darkness rather then light.

Today I interpret everything on my own constantly facing new truths that combat old lies. I now realize the dangers behind mediators who have too much at stake to simply say I am wrong. I now realize the god they are serving has become money at some point, turning their once on fire churches into cold businesses. As I started to see clearly for the first time even more has been revealed. It became clear they are slaves to the money that pays their bills, slaves to the institution and slaves to their own spotless reputations, these same spotless reputations that keep their paychecks coming. Church in a building is now a show and the show must go on… even while as Mother Teresa said “loneliness spreads like the leprosy of our generation”.

On many days I am not a God fearing man. Being a prince is a lot of pressure for an imperfect man to bare. How about we add the fact that the ideal man does not even exist, therefore God’s solution is the fact that He asks us to be merciful (meaning not punishing when someone deserves it) and gracious (meaning being nice even when someone doesn’t deserve it).

I have been with my wife Jana 16 years and I can say with all certainty that I am far from the prince that she deserves. If my wife was looking for the ideal man I would have never made it past the first date (I said stupid things on our first date). Did I mention the fact that we met in a bar and neither of us was sober. I was what many would consider a backslider christian and my wife rarely thought about herself as a christian. In fact if either of us were waiting for or looking for the ideal mate…… both of us would still be single.

Just saying (with a smile) my own perspective. Jesus didn’t die so we could sin, He died because we do sin. Grace and mercy means accepting that as handsome and as beautiful a person may be…. we as Jesus did need to lay down our own lives and sacrifice our definition of what is ideal sometimes. He may not always be the handsome prince. She may not be always be the beautiful princess so grace and mercy become the glue that keeps people together. Without out grace and mercy we will find ourselves either continually being kicked to the curb or continually kicking people to the curb.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Remember the quote “too good to be true” and you will be OK.

In the past I have been guilty of planning and producing the “Me Show”. The “ME SHOW” is about trying to be somebody when you feel deep down like a nobody. I find it easy to love and forgive those types of people because I know what it is like to feel like a “nobody”. I have had friends that constantly boast and I have accepted them knowing that behind all the bragging lies pure misery. When your identity is based upon external forces that are beyond your control…. life is like riding a wild horse that can never be broken. I see people everyday thinking they have the power to break the wild horse (life), but these people are only happy when they are temporarily holding something, something that will eventually lead to their deep misery when the wild horse (life) kicks them off… over and over again. This is why I find the Buddhist concepts of desire leading to pain very realistic.

Now that my “ME SHOW” is over my goal today is to simply pour out my heart with no strings attached…. even draw attention toward others and away from me when I have the opportunity. Love given and received freely is my reward. I am glad to not be in a position where my financial security or my self esteem is dependent upon my popularity. I can freely speak my mind without the worry of people deleting me from their friends lists. After graduating from Bible college I decided not to be a pastor because watching other people’s “me shows” started making me sick to my stomach.

The best favor anyone can do for themselves is avoid seeking an identity in the girls, the gold and the glory. The smart girls can usually see right through you, the gold is easily lost unless you make it your wicked slave master and the fame only opens the doorway to controversy. When people identify with the girls, the gold and the glory they invite destructive fears into their lives…. fears that often bring death to their door step early.

On a recent visit to my father’s house in CA my cat started doing something weird. As I was working at a desk I heard a clawing noise behind me. When I turned around I was surprised to find my cat sucking on a fuzzy purple robe and doing this marching motion with only his front paws. When I first saw this behavior I laughed because I knew right away it was a harmless disorder some cats have called kneading. My cat did this kneading for around 30 minutes straight and then curled up in a ball to take his routine nap. The next morning I noticed my cat kneading again, pawing and sucking this fuzzy purple robe for around 30 minutes each morning for 9 days straight.

As I have grown spiritually over the years I learned many new things. I have learned that ones psychological state effects how they see God and each other. I have learned that animals are complex creatures with personalities and they feel emotions. When I was a Christian I had a tendency to over-simplify everything in order to feel a sense of control. I looked at animals as disposable entertainment because we were taught that animals didn’t have souls. I was taught as a Christian to compartmentalize everything into it’s appropriate category. As I grew spiritually I realized that the tree of knowledge created this compartmentalizing and categorizing disorder a tradition carried on by religion. I have learned over the years exactly what Jesus meant when He said do not judge in Mat 7:1-2. I have learned that duality is a crime to spirituality.

Some people believe a cat’s kneading behavior is a developmental issue caused early on when a cat is a kitten. I suspect that when a kitten has either nursed too long or not long enough the psychological impact causes this weird behavior. As I watched my cat’s weirdness each morning I began to wonder about the weirdness in myself caused by the things in my past. I wondered about the wounds that were left unhealed far too long or development that may have been stunted by a well meaning nurturer. I love my cat in spite of his weirdness to the degree that I consider him a member of the family. In fact I love my cat more because of his weirdness because his weirdness makes me feel more connected with him. Why does human weirdness have to divide people as it often does? The simple reason I could connect with my kneading cat is the fact that I am connected to my own weirdness. Jesus said before you attempt to remove the speck in your brother’s eye first remove the plank in your own. Our familiarity with our own flaws is what helps us to see more clearly for the purpose of loving people in the purest form possible.

So there you have it…. a lesson on weirdness and how it connects with a beautiful side of loving each other. If you understand weirdness you can love someone deeper, but if you refuse to understand weirdness your relationships will lack the grace and mercy that Jesus spoke about. Love thrives in understanding and dies when it is not understood or when a person refuses to understand. So much for blind faith. Understanding breeds compassion, forgiveness and grace. To be loved is to be understood, to be lonely is to be constantly misunderstood.